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kat9397
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Name: Kathy
Location: Chapel Hill, North Carolina, United States
Birthday: 10/1/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: India, Hindi, Urdu, Sociology, making loud noises, concerts, West Virginia, roofing, Springtime, poetry, art history, good books, cuddling, hiking in the Fall, the Mountains, mission work, sleeping, sometimes running, girls nights, hugs, RUF.
Expertise: Expert laugher and cake baker/eater, cuddler and in four years, who knows what else I'll be an expert in!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Engineering
Message: message me
AIM:  kat9397
Member Since:
9/29/2005
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| http://ishallwanttogo.blogspot.com
Don't really want to share this blog with everyone I know, and I don't really keep up with it anyway, so unless I have something so private that I want to put it all over the internet without telling anybody, the above site is where you'll find me. Especially while I'm in INDIA!!
It's been fun,
K
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| First Day of Spring was yesterday! I love this weather! God really knew what he was doing by putting spring after winter. It makes is so much more appreciated! Perfect.
I'm home for Easter and this is Good Friday. I've had a hard time thinking about what these days actually mean, but I am excited for what they mean to me, and I'm feeling the grace that came with the death and resurrection so strongly these days.
Yesterday I went into an interview for a scholarship to study abroad. This one offered the most money of the ones I applied for, and it was, in my mind, the longest shot. Thanks to Grace, I had a kickass outfit, and I walked in feeling at least confident in that aspect of the interview. I also felt good about an answer to why I would be a good ambassador from India to Chapel Hill after my experience because I'd tried that answer out on Grace as well. However, there were 4 people watching me, I rambled on through the other questions, and by the last question, I was so thirst that my lips were sticking to my teeth. This was an effect of being late and walking as fast as possible in really strong winds rather than nervous cotton mouth. I walked out thinking I should have talked about different things, and discouraged that I sounded like I didn't know what I was talking about.
I think God blinded the interviewers hearts to my weaknesses and instead, they actually offered me the scholarship!! So now, rather than being nervous and trying to trust God because I'm $1,000 short, God has provided the entire amount of money I need for the trip! ALL OF IT! From one scholarship! I'm astounded, and full of praise. And I'm learning so much!
However, I'll save the lessons for later because I have a family to visit with.
But I'm leaving on May 19, and I'd love prayers for getting details together, especially about traveling to a children's home afterwards because I've been asked by my parents not to travel alone, but I really would like to go visit. So, prayers for that would be great.
And I'll probably start a new blog about the actual trip, so for the 1.5 people who may check this, I'll post that when I start the blog.
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| I've been thinking about myself lately. Not in a selfish way (I mean, not the thinking I'm thinking of. There's plenty of the other kind too), but just about how I'm different, and I like it. When I was a freshman, if I'd heard that in two years a typical week for me now (leading meetings, having friends, enjoying my church, speaking Hindi) is what it is, I'd probably get wide-eyed, doubtful, and also very hopeful that it was true. Not that my life is perfectly what I want it to be, but because it's so far from what I imagined it would be when I came to UNC. And if you'd told my high school senior self the same thing, I would probably have been a completely weird mixture of happy, sad, confused, and contented.
Senior year, I was excited about going to college because I could party. That's so pathetic-sounding now. I also wanted to study, etc, but mostly, I thought I'd have so much fun not having to lie about what I was doing, and making tons of friends. Now, I can't tell you how grateful I am that finances kept me in state where my sister was - who I didn't want to have at school with me because then she'd know that I was partying and not caring about the important things - like Jesus.
Then, gradually that summer, I figured out the Jesus stuff, but coming to school left me with no concept of myself. I'd shed that former self, grew out of all my clothes, and felt friendless, unattractive, and unfriendable. Meaning, I imagined that people looked at me and said, "umm, no I don't want to meet her." I cried a lot, too. And while I had always feigned confidence when given a leadership role, I never thought I could actually take on anything too important because I'd mess it up or forget something important.
Now, it just hit me that I'm not that person anymore! It's so exciting. I mean, I knew I'd gotten past the loneliness of freshman year, but there's so much more I've figured out about myself and my relationship to God (meaning my place next to him rather than my interaction with him, but I suppose that too). I've found myself telling an older (meaning not college, rather than elderly) woman the ins and outs of student organizations. I have twice filled out an application for leading an EDR trip, though both times I have refrained from sending them in for various reasons ultimately leading to me not going on the trip after all. And one of the coolest parts is that I now understand what it looks like to make friends - even with boys. I understand that it's something that even I can do. And that's exciting!!
I see this new self. I'm comfortable speaking to large groups. I don't freak out every time I think about sitting down with someone one on one and trying to make conversation. And I have the confidence to call myself a leader (a very recent change). So now I'm excited about what I can do with these characteristics. I'm realizing that I have talent - something to offer. I've always struggled with being the person who can't clap a steady beat, who doesn't feel called to medicine or teaching, and who related awkwardly to everyone. What're my gifts? I think I'm finally recognizing them, and I can't wait to see how God will put them to use.
Now, things I still need to work on (but have the confidence to approach them)
+ making friends with more boys. This is not even in the marriage mindset. I just need to see males as people with whom I can have "sibling" relationships. I get so nervous about how a guy is interpreting anything I do that when I see one in the parking lot, I avert my eyes for fear that the man will think I'm interested - sometimes this leads to me recognizing someone because I'm not looking at him, and then coming across as very rude. I admit that I realize that this is a ridiculous issue, but it's mine all the same. I think it's leftover from freshman insecurities and I'm working on it. Solution: (Compliments of Ben Inman) Spend time with lots of guys. Approach them, talk to them, and ask them to hang out. I protest, but then they'll think I'm interested. But no, apparently, if you treat all guys the same, it becomes normal.
+ Dealing with God. Or rather, letting him deal with me. For two years, probably more, actually, I've avoided reading the Bible, especially deeply, on my own because I was afraid I'd be convicted of sin and have to change. And honestly, who wants to give up sin in exchange for surpassing joy, and eternal life in the greatest marraige ever? This is something I've been able to to more and more since the Fall semester started, and I think it's only going to get better this Spring because I've tasted the joy involved.
+ Loving people. Now that I'm not afraid of One on Ones, I suppose I should do them.
I suppose this is a good way to start the new year of blogging off - a resolution list of sorts. Not that I'm consistent or even get one a month, but I was excited about my changes, and I feel like acknowledging this stuff holds me in a place that won't let me fall back as easily. So there you go, my first blog of 2008. Maybe it'll help me work on the things listed. Maybe it'll start a new leaf of blogging consistency (but don't count on it).
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| It's funny how God makes a difference in your life.
Seriously.
Two weeks, all I wanted was a boyfriend to make me feel special...worthwhile even? Gosh, it's so ridiculous that we feel so much worth from one person...especially when I have a bazillion people in my life who really actually care about me. Somehow, I can still feel a gap. But, the best part of this story is that the gap has a source. I mean, yes, we were made for a companion, but we shouldn't feel empty. God is in us. And that's the source of my discontent. When I push him out because I want other things in. I've been pushing aside the Bible because it was too much work, too convicting, I was tired, and I didn't feel like changing. I knew I'd be forced to change if I allowed the Bible to confront my sin. I'm far too lazy for that. So, I didn't read it. Then, classes began and instead of welcoming this huge influx of love in my life. People who are excited about hearing my woes and who want to share my burdens, my thoughts, my feelings, whatever is happening in me, they were/are all around me now. And yet, I chose to keep it surface. Despite the fact that these people are baring their souls to me, I STILL hide myself from them. My ugliness. I'm half falling asleep...must continue tomorrow. But I will.
Also, I got a job sitting with an old lady. It's exciting. I like her already after my first day. This too is an example of how God changes things (even when I'm avoiding it...)
P.S. Elisabeth, I have really been craving your person in Chapel Hill. Conference is coming up, and I'm going to feel a gap - that was the first time I met you, I think, and I really enjoyed it! And, living with Grace is great (seriously, I love it!!), but I bet it'd be better if you were sleeping on our futon every now and then.
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| I almost had the urge to update...
later.
Avett Brothers "Swept Away." Good.
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